Where have I been?

I had to cut my intergalactic journey short because my Heisenberg compensator blew a fuse. You'd be surprised how hard it is to find one with circuit breakers, even if you pay over three million credits for it. I was expecting not to come back until the next galactic cycle, but at least I got to see Jupiter before I had to turn around and go back.

It's even harder to find fuses for Heisenberg compensators. With the trouble you go to find a replacement and the cost of paying the mechanic, it's almost better just to buy a new one.

If you're wondering how I managed to get to Jupiter and back in two weeks, it actually took a day each way, but there was roughly a 7:1 time dilation because I was traveling so close to the universal constant. Micro deuterium uranium reactors are the way of the future in space travel, man.

I hope you've figured out, and not based on the conclusion that the time dilation resulting from traveling to Jupiter and back in two days would be something completely different from 7:1 after your horribly time-wasting calculations, that I'm full of shit. I decided to go home (as in Whitby) for the last few weeks of the summer holiday and forgot my laptop charger, brought it back after my shift at the bar on Saturday, bought new knitting stuff when I got back and forgot all about my laptop until just now.

You've just caught a horrifying glimpse into my brain. How does it feel?

I've learned that the cable stitch is super easy, but I wish I'd known about slipping the first stitch before getting a third of the way through my scarf. I'll just sew along the sides when I'm done and hopefully that will cover it up. If it doesn't work, the sides are stockinettes and will curl inwards and cover it up anyway even though I did a garter stitch border. Oh well. I still like it. I'll have to get a crochet hook, double-pointed needles and a circular needle so I can make fancier things, and perhaps go back to Zellers and get crazy amounts of half-price yarn before the good stuff is all picked over.

So that's it. That's where I've been all this time. Now you know.

I bought a cardigan.

Nin Jiom Pei Pa Koa is awesome. It literally means "In memory of my mother loquat syrup," but it's like swallowing a tablespoon of thick, liquefied Extra Strength Halls. It's a Chinese herbal cough syrup and it is the best cough syrup ever and I'm so glad the health food store in the mall carries it. I usually just take it by the tablespoon, but apparently you can mix it with hot water and drink it, which I think I will do before bed tonight. Hopefully I'll stop coughing soon.

So yeah, I bought a cardigan. It's yellow. Once every year or so I decide on an article of clothing that I have to buy and this year it was a yellow cardigan. In previous years it has been a white summer dress, an argyle sweater and a brown corduroy blazer. I've never given any thought as to why I do that, but I don't really care, either, as long as I don't decide on a beer shirt next year. Next paycheque, I'm going to go to the Suzy Shier outlet in Cambridge and get some pants for $10 a pair. That is going to be a good day.

I recently received a rather handsome OSAP estimate last Tuesday and gave my two-weeks' notice at Williams on Friday. I'm going to keep working at the gay bar for a bit of extra spending money. I am so glad to have a break from all this financial stress. Just imagine being able to afford to buy bread instead of sucking at making it! I'll still make yoghourt since it doesn't take much time to make and I'm picky about my yoghourt. If I can pull up the funds for a KitchenAid stand mixer, I might get back to bread making, since I can never seem to knead it fast enough by hand.

Wow. Nin Jiom Pei Pa Koa is even better when dissolved in hot water. I can't believe I never thought to do that before. Thank you, Wikipedia! Holy shit. This is awesome. This is the best way to take the stuff. I kind of sound like Michael Wood when he drank the soma in The Story of India. Not that too many of you know what I mean by that. By that, I mean it's time for me to go to bed, and hopefully I won't be up all night coughing. Goodnight, world.

If I may say so myself

I make awesome food. I'm eating my second piece of a Kuchen I just made with fresh blueberries, cherries and raspberries. The decision to make one just came out of nowhere. I was sitting at my computer an hour and a half ago and decided I wanted a to make a Kuchen while blasting Wotan's Farewell out my laptop's speakers, so I did and the Kuchen is awesome.

Wagner approves. I'm sorry, were you expecting a picture of a Kuchen? Too bad. Wagner's creepy over-the-top-happy death mask it is.

Mind you, as thrilling as spontaneous Wagner baking sounds, this is nowhere near my best baking story. My best one happened in second year, back when I was slowly losing my sanity in a basement unit of a triplex. I was making some cookies and I had just put the first batch in the oven and was getting another one ready. As this was happening, my roommate walked by the kitchen and deeply inhaled while simultaneously performing a brief first arabesque.

I'm not a ballerina. At least, I haven't been since I was ten and I quit before having the pleasure of wearing pointe shoes.

What a beautiful story. It starts with baking cookies underground and ends in ballet. Now, here's the punchline - a second before my roommate walked by the kitchen, I farted. My roommate didn't make any indications that something was amiss, so as far as I'm aware, she didn't notice. Either way, this is both my best baking story and my best fart story.

Now that you're one step closer to achieving Nirvana, goodnight.

One-Handed Blogging

My left hand currently has a freezie sitting on it because I got a burn at work and it's the only form of ice I have in the house, so I'm writing this post with my right hand. Not that it's exciting news or anything, since it means I will have to wear a glove on that hand for my next shift if it doesn't heal by then. It has until Friday at 5 p.m. to heal adequately. And the gloves at work are dreadful, too...

Mind you, they used to give us those god-awful gloves with powder that is supposed to be an antiperspirant but actually forms a paste with your sweat. I was glad to see them go.

My life has become so much easier now that I have my bike. My legs might just get as strong as they were in high school. I was able to leg press 395 lbs - pretty damn impressive for someone who weighs just over 100. It's too bad most hard physical tasks hardly involve the legs at all, and the few sports that involve the legs more than the arms require lots of running and I'm asthmatic. It's much more convenient than the bus and the lock I got for it is pretty badass. It's long enough to fit through both tires and the cable is braided and coated in a thick layer of nylon. It was $30 after tax (on sale) but I figured that's cheaper than buying a shitty lock and then having to buy a new bike and a better lock when it fails.


But seriously, the summer bus schedule is useless, and since the main streets keep closing down for festivals, the buses keep getting rerouted. And, of course, it's impossible to read the map they posted and the times they give on the signs conflict with each other. What fun! I'd rather ride my bike. It's much more reliable and it means that I don't have to get a cab home from work anymore. I should get a basket for it when I can afford it.

And I'm too tired to write more. But I will later! I promise!