Impotent Impotables

I awoke this morning to a weird smell in the house. It was very different from anything I have ever smelled. Nobody could figure out what it was. It was obviously not gas, definitely not food, and resembled burning and chemicals. It spread rapidly throughout the house. We wanted to make sure the house wasn't going to catch fire, so we called the fire department. It took them a few minutes, but eventually they figured it out and they pronounced our fridge dead. Thankfully, we have a spare fridge in the garage and my mom was able to bring her mini fridge back from her office, but it's nowhere near enough room for all of our crap. It was a good excuse to get rid of our rotten stuff, at least, but now we need a new fridge.

My Doberman puppy swallowed a cooked chicken bone whole yesterday. He's made it a day and a half without any problems, so chances are he will be okay. It's just a matter of waiting until he passes the bone.

Two of the sunflower seeds have sprouted, the radishes are sprouting like crazy, the green onions are just sprouting and the spinach seeds have been planted. We also got a cucumber plant, which will go in a pot tomorrow, and some peas because the Doberman ate my pack of pea seeds.

Purity balls are the creepiest thing I have ever come across. Young girls wearing the same white dress dance around a cross and pledge TO THEIR FATHERS to stay "pure" until marriage. That is just wrong and gross and barfy. If this practice isn't abolished in my lifetime, I will at least suggest changing the definition of "purity balls" to a clean-shaven, shiny, smooth, perfectly sculpted ball sack. That way, these creepy dads will have to face their gay sides for a split second and be too uncomfortable to think about purity balls because they threaten their precious masculinity. Maybe it will make them finally want to take the truck nuts off of their pickup trucks.

In the mean time, I will invent truck ovaries.

So, what does any of this have to do with the title of this post? Well, most of it has nothing to do with it. As a result of downsizing the fridge, I had to throw out what was left of my cappuccino martini and a third of a bottle of Gewürztraminer. The latter is my favourite wine, so I had a final glass of it and helped finish off a bottle of St-Remy a la creme. It is a sad day for us lushes.

Spewing out my thoughts before bed

The garden is planted again with the exception of some spinach seeds, but I'll see to that tomorrow. My mom and I are growing peas, yellow beans, Swiss chard, lettuce, red and yellow tomatoes, strawberries, some flowers, some spices, bell peppers, carrots, green onions, radishes, naga morich peppers, and bhut jolokia peppers. We're mostly growing the last two as a joke, but we might make an intense hot sauce. I'm growing dwarf sunflowers again and making another attempt at growing tea. I soaked the seeds longer and weighed them down so that they'd stay submerged and cracked the seed coats this time, so hopefully they won't rot before they germinate.

I am ever so delighted at the way Jon Stewart blasted Rob Ford tonight. What a useless mayor he has been! I'm not going to miss him when this is all over.

News article for those out of the loop: http://read.thestar.com/#!/article/5195ab2e7b1eac38c806a9de-rob-ford-in-crack-cocaine-video-scandal

There's a lesson to be learned from all of this: if the fourth-largest city in North America is stupid enough to elect you as their mayor, don't get caught on video smoking crack and don't get photographed with a drug dealer who will be murdered some time after the picture is taken.

When Psy performed at the finale of American Idol, my mom and I couldn't tell if what he was signing sounded like diarrhea, gonorrhea or pyorrhea, so I renamed the song Psyorrhea. I don't care to remember what the song was actually called. That basically sums up my opinion of Top 40.

Call me old-fashioned, but I must say I really don't understand this fashion trend where women buzz a patch out of the sides of their heads. It just looks so ugly. I understand it for people who have had brain surgery, but if I ever had brain surgery, I would feel compelled to shave my whole head to make it even because the patch would bother me so much. Maybe it's the greatest thing ever and my disdain for it can only be attributed to my irrational need for symmetry. Either you have that or you don't.

Bach did. Handel didn't.

I'm no Star Trek fan, but I have a hilarious idea for a parody of the last two movies where William Shatner plays Captain Kirk's future self warning everyone that they're in grave danger and nobody believes he's Captain Kirk from the future.

Those are my thoughts for the night. I'm sure I'll have plenty more to keep me from sleeping until ass o'clock.

The show so far...

Obscure Monty Python reference for the win.

I bulldozed through my eight-course semester with much better grades than expected. I thought I'd need a very long break, but after having been out of school for less than a month, I'm already going crazy because I am currently doing nothing with my life. I am looking for jobs, though, and I'll take the first one I get. Even if I hate it, I can keep looking while making money.

I finally decided on law school. I will apply at Windsor, U of T, York, UBC and UVic. I'm not sure which kind of specialization I want, but I will most certainly not be a defence lawyer. Whatever I pick, I eventually want to be a judge.

I took off for Vancouver on the 21st of April and I finally adjusted to Vancouver time on the 30th. Unfortunately, I came back to Ontario on the 29th, which is why I am once again writing at a ridiculous hour. It was hard to leave this time because most of my family lives there and I realized that I have gone my whole life without getting to know them. That, and it's much more fun than any city in Ontario I have experienced.

I treated myself to an iPad mini and I do not even remotely regret it. I even knitted a case for it. I can use it to prepare for my upcoming LSAT and look for a job for my year off, as well as waste time with games and fun little apps. It made the recent plane rides a lot less boring.

Time to sleep and hopefully wake up early and get my sleep back on track. Goodnight, internets.