Where have I been?

I had to cut my intergalactic journey short because my Heisenberg compensator blew a fuse. You'd be surprised how hard it is to find one with circuit breakers, even if you pay over three million credits for it. I was expecting not to come back until the next galactic cycle, but at least I got to see Jupiter before I had to turn around and go back.

It's even harder to find fuses for Heisenberg compensators. With the trouble you go to find a replacement and the cost of paying the mechanic, it's almost better just to buy a new one.

If you're wondering how I managed to get to Jupiter and back in two weeks, it actually took a day each way, but there was roughly a 7:1 time dilation because I was traveling so close to the universal constant. Micro deuterium uranium reactors are the way of the future in space travel, man.

I hope you've figured out, and not based on the conclusion that the time dilation resulting from traveling to Jupiter and back in two days would be something completely different from 7:1 after your horribly time-wasting calculations, that I'm full of shit. I decided to go home (as in Whitby) for the last few weeks of the summer holiday and forgot my laptop charger, brought it back after my shift at the bar on Saturday, bought new knitting stuff when I got back and forgot all about my laptop until just now.

You've just caught a horrifying glimpse into my brain. How does it feel?

I've learned that the cable stitch is super easy, but I wish I'd known about slipping the first stitch before getting a third of the way through my scarf. I'll just sew along the sides when I'm done and hopefully that will cover it up. If it doesn't work, the sides are stockinettes and will curl inwards and cover it up anyway even though I did a garter stitch border. Oh well. I still like it. I'll have to get a crochet hook, double-pointed needles and a circular needle so I can make fancier things, and perhaps go back to Zellers and get crazy amounts of half-price yarn before the good stuff is all picked over.

So that's it. That's where I've been all this time. Now you know.

I bought a cardigan.

Nin Jiom Pei Pa Koa is awesome. It literally means "In memory of my mother loquat syrup," but it's like swallowing a tablespoon of thick, liquefied Extra Strength Halls. It's a Chinese herbal cough syrup and it is the best cough syrup ever and I'm so glad the health food store in the mall carries it. I usually just take it by the tablespoon, but apparently you can mix it with hot water and drink it, which I think I will do before bed tonight. Hopefully I'll stop coughing soon.

So yeah, I bought a cardigan. It's yellow. Once every year or so I decide on an article of clothing that I have to buy and this year it was a yellow cardigan. In previous years it has been a white summer dress, an argyle sweater and a brown corduroy blazer. I've never given any thought as to why I do that, but I don't really care, either, as long as I don't decide on a beer shirt next year. Next paycheque, I'm going to go to the Suzy Shier outlet in Cambridge and get some pants for $10 a pair. That is going to be a good day.

I recently received a rather handsome OSAP estimate last Tuesday and gave my two-weeks' notice at Williams on Friday. I'm going to keep working at the gay bar for a bit of extra spending money. I am so glad to have a break from all this financial stress. Just imagine being able to afford to buy bread instead of sucking at making it! I'll still make yoghourt since it doesn't take much time to make and I'm picky about my yoghourt. If I can pull up the funds for a KitchenAid stand mixer, I might get back to bread making, since I can never seem to knead it fast enough by hand.

Wow. Nin Jiom Pei Pa Koa is even better when dissolved in hot water. I can't believe I never thought to do that before. Thank you, Wikipedia! Holy shit. This is awesome. This is the best way to take the stuff. I kind of sound like Michael Wood when he drank the soma in The Story of India. Not that too many of you know what I mean by that. By that, I mean it's time for me to go to bed, and hopefully I won't be up all night coughing. Goodnight, world.

If I may say so myself

I make awesome food. I'm eating my second piece of a Kuchen I just made with fresh blueberries, cherries and raspberries. The decision to make one just came out of nowhere. I was sitting at my computer an hour and a half ago and decided I wanted a to make a Kuchen while blasting Wotan's Farewell out my laptop's speakers, so I did and the Kuchen is awesome.

Wagner approves. I'm sorry, were you expecting a picture of a Kuchen? Too bad. Wagner's creepy over-the-top-happy death mask it is.

Mind you, as thrilling as spontaneous Wagner baking sounds, this is nowhere near my best baking story. My best one happened in second year, back when I was slowly losing my sanity in a basement unit of a triplex. I was making some cookies and I had just put the first batch in the oven and was getting another one ready. As this was happening, my roommate walked by the kitchen and deeply inhaled while simultaneously performing a brief first arabesque.

I'm not a ballerina. At least, I haven't been since I was ten and I quit before having the pleasure of wearing pointe shoes.

What a beautiful story. It starts with baking cookies underground and ends in ballet. Now, here's the punchline - a second before my roommate walked by the kitchen, I farted. My roommate didn't make any indications that something was amiss, so as far as I'm aware, she didn't notice. Either way, this is both my best baking story and my best fart story.

Now that you're one step closer to achieving Nirvana, goodnight.

One-Handed Blogging

My left hand currently has a freezie sitting on it because I got a burn at work and it's the only form of ice I have in the house, so I'm writing this post with my right hand. Not that it's exciting news or anything, since it means I will have to wear a glove on that hand for my next shift if it doesn't heal by then. It has until Friday at 5 p.m. to heal adequately. And the gloves at work are dreadful, too...

Mind you, they used to give us those god-awful gloves with powder that is supposed to be an antiperspirant but actually forms a paste with your sweat. I was glad to see them go.

My life has become so much easier now that I have my bike. My legs might just get as strong as they were in high school. I was able to leg press 395 lbs - pretty damn impressive for someone who weighs just over 100. It's too bad most hard physical tasks hardly involve the legs at all, and the few sports that involve the legs more than the arms require lots of running and I'm asthmatic. It's much more convenient than the bus and the lock I got for it is pretty badass. It's long enough to fit through both tires and the cable is braided and coated in a thick layer of nylon. It was $30 after tax (on sale) but I figured that's cheaper than buying a shitty lock and then having to buy a new bike and a better lock when it fails.


But seriously, the summer bus schedule is useless, and since the main streets keep closing down for festivals, the buses keep getting rerouted. And, of course, it's impossible to read the map they posted and the times they give on the signs conflict with each other. What fun! I'd rather ride my bike. It's much more reliable and it means that I don't have to get a cab home from work anymore. I should get a basket for it when I can afford it.

And I'm too tired to write more. But I will later! I promise!

Come see how pretty I look!

I finally got around to making a real layout/I played around with the templates and came up with something I like. I took the background picture myself. It's some foxgloves at Stanley Park in Vancouver (just in case someone thought I meant the Stanley Park in Kitchener). I would love a fancier camera than the one I have, but it's just not in the cards. That being said, the quality can only be so good when the maximum file size for backgrounds is 300 kilobytes. Still, it looks freaking awesome.

I'm getting closer to being able to make a decent loaf of bread. I found a different recipe and made modifications so that it wouldn't be too sweet or too dry. It tastes alright, but I can never seem to slash it correctly. It always ends up torn by the oven spring on one side with pretty slash marks on the top. I'm wondering if the water I'm brushing on them isn't cold enough or if the slashes are too short. Maybe I should actually take a trip to Home Depot and get a pack of razor blades (and cheesecloth while I'm at it) because my kitchen knives, while very sharp, are still not sharp enough for the task. Maybe the flour I'm using sucks, or I get too tired to knead in enough flour (although that's not the worst thing because too little flour is always better than too much). Maybe it's all of those factors. Trial and error, dammit.

I really miss waking up in the morning, doing something productive during the day, coming home in the evening and sleeping at night. I never thought I would. There is nothing worth doing after 11 pm aside from this job, which, although part time, is wearing me out. I hear friends of mine in other jobs and even coworkers who don't work in the kitchen complain of boredom. What a luxury it must be to complain of boredom and get paid for it! I'll take that over nine hours without even standing still for a second and waking up with legs and feet so sore I can barely balance on them. I am so ready to be done with that for good but I can't afford it yet.

It's late. Gross.

Back again!

I'll start this time with a bit of humour. I am totally serious when I say I will disown anyone gullible enough to buy this product:

http://www.amazon.com/review/RTADRUSXBGGWU/ref=cm_cr_pr_viewpnt#RTADRUSXBGGWU

This is the better of its two reviews. The other is just as sarcastic (I hope) but this says it all. I get it, it isn't easy to find 18 pounds of obsidian that you can craft into a perfect, nicely polished sphere, but after an unsurprisingly brief search on eBay I was able to find decorative obsidian for much cheaper. Here's the thing, though - this is not sold as a decoration. The seller claims this ball of dried-up volcano jizz is supposed to protect you from harm just by sitting there - after all, 18 pounds is too heavy for a lot of people to throw at their enemies effectively.

Oh, no! I should stay away from these guys - the have the Obsidian Ball 04 Rainbow Crystal Black Volcanic Glass Protection Stone Healing Therapy Super Deluxe 18 Lbs. Spiritual Orb 8"! I'll spontaneously combust if I get too close!

I'm not the first to say that crystal healing is a load of crap. Scientific organizations have humoured practitioners with studies that have only ever concluded that it does nothing. Hell, even the Catholic church, which has built up a reputation over the last 2000-odd years for not making sense at the best of times, says not to partake in it because crystals have no intrinsic power.

Hint: They are correct about that.

While crystals do produce an electrical current when compressed, the few practical uses for that effect include record player needles and devices that measure pressure, force and acceleration - buying an expensive crystal, bathing it, leaving it out in the sun, sleeping with it, feeding it, talking to it and blowing your nose on it will only reassure you that you are fucking insane. It will not make all of your problems disappear, unless, of course, your only problems are that you have too much money and too much time on your hands.

TL;DR: Crystal healing is the Pet Rock of alternative medicine.

Back to earth...

By the way, I forgave the Catholic church for most of their infractions when I found out that a Catholic priest originally came up with the Big Bang. It's true. Look it up if you don't believe me. Step two: gay marriage.

It's looking like I'll have a second job on Saturdays busing tables at the gay bar. The shifts end later than at Williams, but knowing that it will only be on Saturday and not two random days of the week will help me prepare for it, I'll never have to work late on a weekday during the school year and since my roommate works there and has a car, she can drive me home. Besides that, the gay bar is a good time. There are few other places where you can have the valuable experience of hearing a DJ say, "First person to show me a Prince Albert wins a prize!"

For those of you who have to look up what a Prince Albert is, don't go right to Google Images if you're squeamish.

As for the garden, it's been quite underwhelming lately. The marigold seedlings I had all died, the lettuce bolted and I cut back the stalk and it's already starting to regrow, the strawberries are still producing, the tomato plant has past its peak, the carrots are stunted but they taste fine, the sunflowers have buds on them, the herbs are doing fine, I have a fair amount of dried chamomile saved up (and lots of seeds), and the tea is taking its time to germinate as expected.

And that's it. Time for bed.

Maybe I should post more frequently or something.

Between the last time I posted and now, my marigold seeds started sprouting. The tea seeds are taking their time and the lettuce is now at a point that I can eat it. I take off a leaf every day for sandwiches. I've eaten quite a few of the strawberries and many more of the cherry tomatoes, and dried a fair amount of chamomile flowers. I'm already thinking about what I want to plant next year. I may not know where I exactly I'll be living, but it will have some outdoor space to plant some food and it will not be a basement.

I checked out my audience statistics a while ago and I've had three pageviews from Russia. Who are these Russians/this Russian who has viewed my page three times?

Just checked again and found one from Germany and one from Argentina.

It's certainly not a bad thing, just unexpected. I think I'll leave it alone for a while and see what happens. Or maybe I won't leave it alone for a while, since I don't anticipate becoming less curious any time soon and I'll still be able to see what happens if I don't leave it alone.

I'm in the midst of knitting a scarf. It's the second thing I've ever knitted and it's looking awesome. The first thing was a coaster that gets narrower towards the top because I was actually knitting it tightly enough for the last 9/17 of it.

This does mean that I counted the rows and reduced the fraction.

The ends are going to be a checkered stockinette pattern and the middle is whatever stockinette-based pattern I feel like. It's looking awesome so far - knitting is very mechanical in nature and I just so happen to be mechanically oriented. One of these days I'm going to get some different kinds of needles and learn how to knit things that are not scarves or made with just knit and purl stitches. I figure if I'm going to have a hobby, why not have one that results in a cheap article of clothing?

I'm probably using the wrong-sized needles. I bought them from a store that was closing down and the biggest ones I could find as a pair were 4.5mm.

I suppose I'll end it there. I'll have more to say at a better time of day. Goodnight, world.